MY BLOG

Oops! All University

May 6, 2020

Whoops, I forgot to update my website for a billion years! This is because of uni, and also I don't owe anybody anything. I added a link to a sitemap and then never made one, so uhhhhhhh i'll add that at some point. Otherwise the core of the website is finished so anything else is just set dressing. Don't expect any big changes from here on out.

Disillusion

April 22, 2020

I extensively epanded the demonology section today. I have more character shrines planned (pompompurin, animal crossing) and I'm going to add more links to my contact page such as my email and toyhou.se account. But... I'm starting to feel bad. It's a kind of bad that I know pretty well, because I have generalised anxiety disorder. It's kind of a feeling like I'm trying to go in a dozen different directions, but obviously that's impossible, so I just stand in one place and panic because I'm not going anywhere. That's how I feel about life in general, and it's only become worse because of lockdown. This website was supposed to be a respite from it, but now I feel like it's not good enough, and I'm bad at making it. I'm not good at html/css and I'm getting anxious that this website sucks, and I'm wasting my time. I realise this is a very small anxiety, but I figured typing it out might help.

Anxiety is weird, huh? It makes tiny things into great big horrible things. I tend to have lots of physical symptoms. I'll get cold sweats, or a feeling of dread in my stomach, or my heart will hurt like it's getting constricted by a snake. I'll chew or pick at my lips, I constantly jiggle my leg when I'm sitting, and I have a tendency to fiddle with things when I'm idling. I get uncomfortable in silence, so at campus I always have my headphones with me. I'm a bit of a nervous wreck sometimes, but I'm doing better now because I've been on zoloft for a year for my anxiety and depression. I don't expect anybody to actually read this, but if you are, don't worry about me! I've only ever tried to kill myself once and it was a terrible experience, so I'm not doing it again. Plus, I've been self harm free for months now! I am STRONK!

Anyway... I'll try to stop comparing myself to other people. I'm unique, and this website is for myself, not for other people. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be mine.

私 は ばか ですね。。

April 21, 2020

Today's changes were mostly small. I cleaned up some stuff on the zines and links page, and I've made some placeholder text for the demonology page. I've decided on some of the things I'm going to include on that page: a library, an encyclopedia, and an area for my own personal writings. I also want to make a tribute page to anime and Japan, with a subsection chronicling my own study of the language. I'm not very good at it yet, but I think having a microblog in there where I write things like reviews only in Japanese would help motivate me to work harder at it. First on my list is the Demonology stuff, though. I'm also thinking about having a kawaii/pastel aesthetic page, just for kicks. Much to think about...

ADOPTABLES AND DEMONS AND GIFS, OH MY

April 20, 2020

I added a lot more stuff to the website today. There's now a page of rescued adoptables, and some more information about OCs. I've also made a new website about demonology! I don't believe demons are real, but I'm fascinated by information about them and I want to seriously learn about them. I want to become a self-proclaimed demonologist! So I'm going to make a list of reading material about demonology, and learn enough to be able to call myself an expert. Like this one! https://www.gutenberg.org/files/40686/40686-h/40686-h.htm

NO GAME NO LIFE

April 19, 2020
Totoro

This website has a games page now! I've kind of always wanted to make games, ever since I was a kid. First I though I could do the coding, then I thought I would do the art. My life has pushed me more towards art, but I don't have the patience to make stuff like icons or sprites, so instead of working as part of a team I make games using frameworks like Twine, Ren'py and Bitsy. My longest game is Ventura, which is a not-terribly-long visual novel about lesbians. I'm very proud of it, but it's not nearly as long as I had planned it to be. One day I'll make a bigger one...

I have a few games that I started work on then abandoned. One of them is a Twine game that emulates an old piece of Vaporwave software. The game revolves around you reading the journal entries, which unlock new websites you can visit as you piece together the identity of an unknown girl. It's on hold right now because I got burnt out and I don't really know where the plot is going; there's like, satanism and cyberpunk and 90s aesthetics all clashing together and it's not going super well. I also kinda wanna make a platformer, but lockdown is sapping all my creativity.

Other changes to the website are that I've renamed 'other stuff' to 'links and zines', and there's now a separate 'stuff' page. I'm not sure what stuff will actually be on it, but I like having a sort of misc page for all the stuff that would otherwise have nowhere to go.

CABIN FEVER

April 2, 2020

The self isolation continues. I've updated the social media links so they actually go somewhere, so this website is functionally complete. Obviously I plan for more, but that's kind of on hold for now. I'm thinking about making zines to stave off going stir crazy.

POLISHED UP

Mar 23, 2020
A gundam floating up and down

At the time of writing this, today New Zealand moved up to level 3 pandemic alert, which is a bit scary. It's okay though, because I didn't go to university this week - I'm at home and my little brother is at his last day of school, so we'll all be together for the forseeable future. The only downside of this is the potential to go stir crazy, so hopefully that doesn't happen.

Anyway, I've added a list of cool links to the website, added the Web 1.1 page, completed the navigation bar and done a few general quality-of-life fixes. Hopefully now using this website should never lead to dead ends.

SOME IMPROVEMENTS

Mar 22, 2020
A surfing computer screen

Good afternoon! I've been making some significant additions to the website. These include: a directory page for ocs, a directory page for characters, and a character shrine for everyone's favourite bastard Char Aznable. The html is a mess, but I've now got a template for more shrines so expect more soon! I'm just not sure which characters I should make them for... Maybe Utena Tenjou, Saori Kido, or Relena Darlian?

Other changes include wording on the main and about pages. Next on my to-do list is to get the 'My Services' page up, and design a web button that other people can put on their own websites. Once those are done, I'll start feeling like a serious neocities site! But for now, I'm writing this blog and updating my website to avoid doing my university work. I should probably get to it..!

THE GRAND OPENING

Mar 20, 2020
computers sending emails to one another

I'll preface this by saying I am not a child of the 90s. I was born in december of 2000, missing the decade by an entire year. Any nostalgia I have for it is fueled by movies and media, the internet of the 00s, and the lingering traces of the web 1.0 still around in those days. That being said, I still have an immense appreciation for the aesthetic and personality of the internet in its early days, and I'm incredibly glad that neocities exists in order to revive it and continue its legacy. With this website I hope to both put a little bit of myself out there, and to make it easier for other people both to start their own website and find other peoples'. My ultimate, lofty dream is to contribute to a revitalisation of a decentralised internet - that is, people conversing in chat rooms and forums, and making their own websites, rather than only using Twitter, Facebook and Youtube.

Hopefully once this website is completely up and running that goal won't seem quite so far away. I'll be implementing some resources for finding other neo and geo cities websites, as well as stuff you can put on your own. I plan on writing some articles about internet phenomena like webrings, and my ultimate goal is to convince other people to start their own neocities websites. In my own little way, I'm making an impact on the internet, and leaving an artifact that has a chance of keeping a legacy living. And even if none of that happens - at least I had a good time.